Trashy Songs and Nursery Rhymes

(To the tune of London Bridge)

The Soviet Union's falling down
Falling down
Failling down
The Soviet Union's falling down
Oh! Poor Gorby!!


(To the tune of Clementine)

In the Cold War,
In the Cold War
We were scared of dominoes
There was Mikhail there was Reagan
USA and Soviet Union

Just recalling a bit of secondary school history. The Object, being a Historical Object...er I mean history student...will probably be able to write much more meaningful nursery rhymes than this.


Here's a story made out of Trashy Songs that drifted through my head as I was walking to biochemistry this morning. Titles of Trashy (and less trashy) songs are italicised:

Once upon a time, Tarzan and Jane (Toybox) were both In the Navy (Village People). Jane said that Tarzan was her Best Friend (Toybox). Tarzan decided that this story was getting very lame and boring, and decided to convert it into a Love Story (Taylor), so he and Jane had a White Wedding (Billy Idol). Not long after, Tarzan appeared to be Dizzy (Tommy Roe) with delight, running around the ship exclaiming: 'Jane is Having My Baby (Paul Anka)'. The other sailors in the Navy were very happy and performed a gun salute, which went Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! (Vengaboys).

Soon the baby was born, and she was delivered by Dr. Jones (Aqua). Tarzan and Jane were thrilled with their beautiful baby, and named her Rosanna (Toto). Unfortunately, they had been too busy go to shopping, so there was No Milk Today (Herman's Hermits) to feed the baby. It took a very long time to calm the crying baby down, after which Tarzan and Jane were very grateful for The Sound of Silence (Simon Garfunkel). Tarzan then looked at the and whispered 'Oh My Sleeping Child (Michael Learns to Rock). Being the silly ape man he was, he climbed to the top of a tree (yes I KNOW they were on a ship..just pretend there was a tree there okay?) and placed the baby in a cradle on a high branch. Tarzan had obviously never done O level maths and knew nothing about angles of Elevation (U2).

Fortunately, when the bough broke and the cradle fell, the baby did not suffer a terrible fate as she was caught in mid air by a very large locust. Tarzan yelled out to thank the locust, but the insect replied 'Don't thank me, thank the Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler).'

Tarzan felt very guilty about what he had done to the baby and vowed never to do it again. 'Suddenly I See (K.T. Turnstall),' he said. 'How foolish I was.'




The End. Have a Nice Day (Bon Jovi)